Gryph's Lair

Last night was my first full moon ritual. Blue Willow was our priestess. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I did remember to take my "athame," which is actually a long dagger that I bought originally for my wedding.

It was a wonderful experience; not that I was expecting any different! I completely felt the energy flowing through me. I am sure that as I practice, it will be an even more powerful experience, but it certainly was NOT a disappointment!

Of course we had TWO amazing veggie-full soups to chow down on afterward and that certainly helped! Nummers......

Tonight's class was centered around learning about the Sabbats and doing a God journey. The journey was interesting, and I still am not sure I understand the messages completely, but I've taken note of them and if I am meant to understand them, I will.

As we were led down a path, suddenly at my side looked a huge pure-white Gypsy Vanner. Strange that it was pure white, since they are usually paints (which is one of the attractions for me). I've been in passionate love with Gypsy Vanners (some people call them Gypsy Cobs, Irish Cobs, etc. There's some debate about the "correct" name, but since I first learned about them as Gypsy Vanners, that's the name I use) when I started my Draft Dreams website more than 12 years ago. The OLDEST version of the site is still online here. Be warned, it's FULL of dead links. Draftdreams.com isn't up anymore, although maybe one day it will be. During it's time, Draft Dreams was the second largest draft-horse website on the 'net. To see what a Gypsy Vanner looks like, here is a website from a Redmond, WA based breeder.

Anyhow, back to the subject at hand- Gypsy Vanners. One day I will have one. At least one. I know now's not the right time for me, and it kills me not to be around horses. The smell literally kills a little piece of me, I miss horses so bad. I got my first horse when I was 10, and when I was 18 I sold her because I didn't have time for her. In the meantime, we had four other horses that came and went. Judy was my heart-song, though. She wasn't a Vanner, but she was literally my best friend.

I think I've been in denial of my horse-passion for many years. I can't afford horses right now, and quite frankly even if I could I simply do not have the time to commit, which is the most important thing. Maybe it won't be until I retire that I will be able to have horses again, but one day I will. I'm certain of it.

This white Vanner, who I know (somehow) was a stallion, turned to look me in the eye, and said straight into my thoughts, "Do not deny me." All the while I was preening about my wolf spirit guide, I think I was denying my horse spirit guide. I had always assumed that once I became a parent, the horse spirit guide left me, but I think the honest truth is, I left him.

The experience brought tears to my eyes. The rest of the journey was almost anticlimactic. I leaped onto his back (yeah as if THAT could happen in real life- he was HUGE), and we continued on down the path, together. I could feel his comforting warmth through my jeans, and his muscles bunching beneath my thighs. I wrapped my hands into his incredibly thick mane, and then just closed my eyes to enjoy the experience. If you've never ridden a horse, it's hard to explain the swaying, the sound of his hooves, the smell of horse-sweat, leather, and sweet hay.

We reached the described creek, and rather than me drinking from it, he did. But I could taste the crisp clean water anyhow. We continued on to the described giant oak, and once we reached the tree I slid from his back, pressing into him for a long moment, just breathing while he reached around his massive head and blew his sweet hay breath over me.

Finally I turned to the tree and wrapped my arms around it, eventually melding into the tree and heading for the breeze-tossed branches at the top. God came to me as a Centaur, eerily enough, but darker and swarthier than my white Vanner below. Dark charcoal dapples covered his horse-half, with heavy feathers like a Shire. His human half was sleek and heavily muscled, as I would imagine a draft stallion would look if he turned human. He sported long, thick, tangled dark hair and a flowing tangled beard. His eyes were pools so dark they looked black. He leaned towards me, and stated clearly. "Be strong." Then he handed me a scroll, and I unrolled it to read "Share your core of strength." I looked up and met his eyes, confused, but the look he gave me was knowing. A name floated into my head.... and I knew it was my Craft name. StormSong.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out an arrow. I remember thinking, "what, do I have Mary Poppins pockets, to pull this thing out of there?" The arrow was sleek and black, with some sort of ebony, heavily grained wood, a chipped obsidian head, and sleek iridescent black feathers as the fletching.

I retraced my steps back to the bottom of the tree and was once again with my White Stallion, where I leaped onto his back again and we made our way back down the path before my journey ended.

I literally had tears in my eyes. While my wolf spirit guide brought a fierce sense to me, my horse guide brought me passion.

For tomorrow's class we were asked to write a Goddess invocation and devocation. Here is what I came up with...

Goddess Invocation:
Hail to the Goddess, our moon mother, we ask that you bless our gathering with your lunar power, and we ask that you grant us the gifts of emotion, peace and love. Hail and welcome.

Goddess Devocation:
Lunar mother, we thank you for your presence here tonight, and we thank you for your gifts of emotion, peace, and love. Hail and farewell.

Class on Friday was a blast. We did a Goddess journey, and I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised by how it worked out. We were led to the back of a vulture, then directed as our arms became wings and we took flight ourselves, and flew into a cave. My cave was decorated all around with rough charcoal-looking drawings of animals of all sorts. Later I realized that the animals were all native animals to this area: Fox, otter, bear, wolf, deer, elk, rabbit, owl, etc. We were then led on to meet the Goddess. My "version" was stunningly beautiful, with porcelain skin, leaf-green eyes, and a flowing tumble of knee-length burnished red curls. She was garbed in a long-sleeved white gown with a short-sleeved over-gown of pale green. All around her I could sense (and see with my third eye but not with my physical eyes) animals writhing about her; the same animals from the cave walls.

Now, I had gone to the zoo on Friday and the first thing I thought was, “well no wonder I wanted to go to the zoo today!” But now of course I wonder if it wasn’t the other way around? I’m not sure yet.

The Goddess had a stone in her hands; a perfectly egg-shaped, egg-sized piece of translucent, iridescent rainbow moonstone. She placed it in my third eye, and memories of animals came pouring into my head. The flickers of animal faces and bits of their knowledge flickered through my head as if there was one animal on each piece of film and the projector was running like crazy across the backs of my eyes. The information flooded so fast that I couldn’t catch any one part as standing out.

She leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Believe.” Then she laughed softly, her breath tickling my skin, and she said “Trust in your…” And at the same time she said two words, and it seemed like they were intertwined. “Faith” and “Intuition.”

I found a small silver ring in my pocket, and I knew I was meant to give it to her. It was perfect, shining and round. She slid it onto her finger with her all-knowing, wise smile as I turned away to leave.

There were all sorts of messages in this journey, and it was time I started sorting them out. Things that popped into my head randomly either during or right after….

· I seem to have an affinity for raptors of all types; kestrels, eagles, owls, hawks, falcons, ospreys, harriers…. I never really thought about it before now, but it’s there, and I think I should look into it more.
· The animals seemed to be a clue of some sort. I’ll have to think/meditate more on that…
· Wales kept coming up. And aside from the relationship to Torchwood (Cardiff!!), and that I have a great-great-grandmother from Wales, I don’t know why. Time to check it out. Maybe I should study Welsh/Celtic goddesses?

Looking up the metaphysical definition of Rainbow Moonstone I find, “Rainbow moonstone has a gentle, calming energy. It helps to strengthen intuition and psychic perception, and enhances creativity, compassion, endurance and inner confidence. It is a stone that brings balance and harmony. The Rainbow effect brings in a spectrum of light, and can help with clearing and bringing in uplifting energies. It has been said to have the power to grant wishes. Rainbow Moonstone is primarily related to the Crown Chakra.”

Looking up the metaphysical definition of egg-shaped stones I find, “Egg shaped stones are said to assist with stress reduction. The egg shape symbolizes the potential and developmental stage of our goals and dreams. The egg also symbolizes the void, the unknown and unformed from which form and realization are born.”

More to come as I do more research….

Today was my first ritual since I began following the Pagan Path, in honor of Ostara, which celebrates the Vernal Equinox. Ostara is celebrated as a time of rebirth and renewal, marking the balance of light and dark, when day and night are of equal length.

To celebrate Ostara, we gathered down at the Venus Moon, my local metaphysical store. Co-Priestesses Gypsy Crow and Blue Willow were amazing, and the mood as everyone gathered into Circle was lighthearted and fun (the bunny ears our Co-Priestesses wore probably helped). I have to admit that when the cork blew off the bottle behind Gypsy Crow while she was invoking Goddess, my spirit just soared! The Goddess was certainly showing her presence, wasn't she? As part of our ritual, we planted Nasturtiums in paper cups and wrote on the bottom of the cup a wish we wanted to have happen over the next year. Overall, the ritual was simple, serene, and amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better "initiation." The energy that rippled and seethed around all of us was palpable.

All in all, it was a wonderful, exhilarating experience.

So our assignment for class this week is to write our own invocations and devocations for the elements. Erm... Okay. And I volunteered to invoke Air at this week's class, too! Sooooo, winging it, here's what I came up with. For those that don't know, invoking elements is asking for the spirit of each element to support our group/meeting/ritual, etc. Devoking is closing it down. What's bugging me, is I can't remember how to exactly START the invocations. I will have to check my notes when I get home and see if we have a sample to work from, but I don't think so. So there goes my super-perfectionist side wanting it to be "just right."

Invocations:

Oh spirit of Air, we ask that you bless our gathering with creativity, and we ask that you grant us the gifts of wisdom, intellect, and clear communication. Hail and welcome (or blessed be).

Oh spirit of Fire, we ask that you bless our gathering with passion, and we ask that you grant us the gifts of discipline, willpower, and energy. Hail and welcome (or blessed be).

Oh spirit of Water, we ask that you bless our gathering with intuition, and we ask that you grant us the gifts of love, joy, and compassion. Hail and welcome (or blessed be).

Oh spirit of Earth, we ask that you bless our gathering with strength, and we ask that you grant us the gifts of patience, abundance, and stability. Hail and welcome (or blessed be).

Devocations:

Oh spirit of Air, we thank you for your presence here tonight, and we thank you for your gifts of wisdom, intellect, and clear communication. Hail and farewell (or blessed be).

Oh spirit of Fire, we thank you for your presence here tonight, and we thank you for your gifts of discipline, willpower, and energy. Hail and farewell (or blessed be).

Oh spirit of Water, we thank you for your presence here tonight, and we thank you for your gifts of love, joy, and compassion. Hail and farewell (or blessed be).

Oh spirit of Earth we thank you for your presence here tonight, and we thank you for your gifts of patience, abundance, and stability. Hail and farewell (or blessed be).

So I haven't spent much time here lately, which makes me a little sad, but now I have a new computer at home, so I think I can make a better effort to sign in from home. In the meantime, here are some of my musings for the day...

While at the Pagan Discussion Group that I have been attending, I heard of a class at my local metaphysical bookstore, taught by the amazing Gypsy Crow. She's a wonderful lady, frank and open and she doesn't try to pretend something she's not. I love her personality, and her sarcastic, quirky sense of humor. She can laugh at herself, and I love that too. Of course I signed up as soon as I could. The class is called Applied Witchcraft 101.

I've attended two sessions so far, and both went pretty well. We did a meditation exercise last week, to find out animal spirit guides. I wasn't surprised when the animal that appeared even before Gypsy Crow led us to it was a wolf. Wolf has held a position in my life for a long time; right up with crow. I was pleased when Gypsy Crow mentioned to me that wolves and crows had close ties, because it certainly explained a lot to me! Wolf wasn’t much of a surprise for me, and it was rather comforting to see Her furry figure. What did surprise me was that wolf was pure white. I’m not sure what that signifies, but I’m going to look into that.

I have a little tattoo on my ankle, of a horseshoe surrounding a wolf paw print. It's super simplistic, no detail at all. I drew it after my first daughter was born, when I realized that the animal I was drawn to had changed. Horse was my previous guide, but when I became a parent it changed to wolf. That makes sense. To me, horse has always represented running before thinking, freedom. They are flight animals and they use their long legs to flee from danger; of course horse will fight with tearing teeth and sharp-edged hooves if she has to.

Wolf, on the other hand, while still a pack animal (as horses are in herds), is more about protection and intuition and guidance. Wolf will stand and fight for her family. Becoming a mother brought that to me, that fierce unexplainable mother's love. But wolf also represents faithfulness and inner strength. The funny thing is, about the time I got my tattoo, is about the time my ex started to cheat on me with my “best friend.” So I guess there’s a little irony in there, since years later when that was revealed to me, I certainly found my inner strength. I’m a completely different person now. That whole “mess” was like a cleansing fire, and I was like the iron in that fire, being tempered by the scathing heat. Whole weights lifted off of me as I shook off the slag, and while my life is not perfect now, I am fully more content with it than I ever was before.

I’ve also grown not just content with my life, but with my person. I know I’m not perfect, I’m still ironing out some flaws, but at least now I have opened my eyes up to them. I’m sure there are still some hidden depths I have yet to plumb, but I think by just becoming more aware I’ve gone a long ways.

Another thing I’m proud of is my ability to see situations from all sides. I find it sadly amusing that most of humanity will never once try to understand a difficult situation from both sides. Is it just human nature, or is it a refusal to expand one's way of thinking? I've often been criticized by friends for "defending" people when in reality it's simply a matter of me trying to put myself... in their shoes to understand them better. Is that a waste of my energy? I don't think so. But our culture is so judgmental that most of us figure they have a right to be critical of each other and other people's decisions. I don't ask anyone to agree with my decisions; I just ask that he or she support them. I don't ask anyone to tread my path with me, I just ask for his or her consideration. And I will try to share my support and consideration with him or her as well. Am I just too forgiving? Is it wrong for me to try to see the other person's perspective, or to try to see both people's perspective when I am not directly involved? Am I being too judgmental myself by mashing most of humanity into my earlier statement? It doesn't feel wrong, it feels right, and I feel like I need to stay on my path and keep trying to read both sides....

So I’ll continue down my Path and see where it leads.

Last weekend I went on a photowalk (where my little group of photographers roams around looking for interesting things to take photos of) at the Tahoma National Cemetery, and while we were there we saw a Pileated Woodpecker. My heart fluttered, and deep down I knew it was a message.

Looking up woodpecker as a spirit totem, I find that woodpecker is about devotion, sensitivity, protection, and earth connection. I think that woodpecker was a sign from the God(dess) that I am being watched over, and that I am on the right path to my own devotion and that it's all right to trust my sensitivity.

It sure does seem like there isn't enough time for all the things I want to accomplish, much less the things that simply need to get done (ie feeding the kids, making sure their homework is done, cleaning the house...). So I've decided to begin a serious cleansing project. I'm working to make it fun and rewarding, but I really think it needs to happen.

I have too many hobbies, for one. Beading, knitting, crocheting, sewing, writing, photography, scrap booking, hiking... I think I need to purge out the ones that I don't use much anymore. Knitting and crocheting shouldn't be too hard- I only dabble in those. I have family and friends I can pass on my supplies to (minus my grandmother's crochet needle set- those I will always keep). Photography just won't happen- it's too much a part of my everyday world. Scrap booking won’t stop, because that’s a legacy for my children. Hiking will continue, it's a balm for spirit and body. Writing I am fitting in where I can.

Beading is hard to give up, though. I have so many wonderful ideas and projects in some sort of state of completeness. But I haven’t made the time lately, and I wonder if I should just pass the tools on to a family member who I know will make good use of them. I had aspirations of setting up an etsy shop one day, but… where are my priorities? I can keep my favorite tools and a handful of treasured finds that I can maybe one day have something done with (like a gorgeous quartz point I had drilled). I can try to carve out some time to finish up those unfinished projects first, I suppose. Except that I kind of think that if I had a passion for finishing them, I would have done it already. I have a bunch of finished work, mostly bracelets and pendulums, and now I have to decide what to do with them… So for now the beading sits in my cupboard waiting for me to make up my mind.

It’s not the money I spent on all of it, although that gives me a little pause to be honest. It’s the potential and possibility of all the beautiful things I bought to make something specific…

Grrr…. I’ve gotten rid of a majority of it already, so I may stick this little box back in the cupboard for now, and if I haven’t done anything with it in a few months, then let it go…

Stuff. I have so much of it! Not just physical stuff, but even all the way to random stuff on my computer. I just ordered a new puter, so it’s time to sort through all the CDs and flash drives and even my three old hard drives… it’ll be time consuming, but it’ll be beautiful when we are done.