Gryph's Lair

So it's been a long few months, and I seem to have disappeared for awhile. Life intruded. I guess that's not a very good way to put it. I should say instead that life was blessedly busy! It's been a crazy path, but I haven't strayed- I just haven't made the time to post here.

I've been reading voraciously. I'm attending a pagan Meetup group this weekend (and I cannot WAIT), and I've been thinking, thinking, thinking....

I know it's probably pretty silly to be making such a fuss over this, but I can't seem to help it. It seems like it should be a simple decision, a simple twist of the path that I should be following with sheer confidence. But I haven't been.

The Craft feels right. I simply cannot explain it better. Nothing I have read or learned or studied gives me pause. It's my old prejudices and stereotypes that I have to deal with. That's a big thing for me. Which again, I know is silly, but I can't seem to work it all out.

My in-laws especially will not be okay with this. You might say, "well it's your life and your decision, so leave them out of it." But it's not really that simple. At least I haven't managed to squish it down into the little "don't worry about it" box. My husband is neutral. He believes in a higher power. That's about it. He's okay with whatever I do, whatever I decide.

I'm rambling. Just trying to get my ideas out of my head so I can make some sense of them. LOL!

My eldest daughter is thrilled. My ex's long-term girlfriend follows a Wiccan path, and from what I understand they celebrate together irregularly, and my eldest daughter has always had a fascination and a drawing to the craft. Maybe it's easier for her because I have worked very, very hard to raise her without the judgments I've had instilled. I don't know.

My family (mother, brother, sis-in-law) won't care one way or the other. They never were religious in any fashion. I only got involved in the Church through first our neighbor, then a close friend's family. Kinda funny, that.

So... back to my blogging. Back to figuring it all out. Why am I making this so damn complicated? It really isn't. It's a highly personal decision that shouldn't be anyone's business but my own. But I think working through my own fears about the family's opinion is part of my process.

Is it because I feel the same way, deep down? That doesn't feel right, considering the blessed CLEAN feeling I get when I am thinking about the Craft. I feel full of light, of goodness, and I have a spring in my step. Weariness is shed, sadness and anger slough away, and I'm just purely happy.

Then what's my problem? Sigh....