Gryph's Lair

So I decided to go ahead and sign up for the Wicca 101 classes being offered at a local metaphysical shop. The instructor is a member of the Meetup group I attended the other day, and while I'm a little nervous, for some strange reason, I'm also looking forward to attending. It's a 10-class set.

I'm looking forward to the Meetup this weekend!! It's a pagan discussion group, meeting at a local metaphysical shop. This is the first meeting, and I'm thankful to be coming in on the "ground floor" because I'm not sure I'd have the guts at this point to jump feet first into an already established group. But at the same time, I've found no one, and I mean no one, to talk to about about any of this. My husband will listen, he's actually a very good listener, but I can't really bounce ideas off him because he doesn't have any interest.

I've even considered asking my ex's long-term girlfriend, but for some reason something keeps stopping me.

So it's off to the Meetup I go! I'm as usual battling my natural tendencies to be shy, and I've halfway considered canceling several times, but I'm not going to, dang it. I need to go, if nothing else than to lay some answers down at my feet.

I only have two more days to wait....

I think part of my frustration is not having anyone to answer my questions. Books and websites are all well and good, but I can't really ask a question. I suppose there are forums out there where I can find answers, but really where would I even start? I know there are a hundred different variations of Wicca (okay I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea), and so how do I find out which one is right for me? Do I just start with what I already feel is right, and keep track of it from there?

Do I seek to join a coven, or practice on my own? I don't really know yet.

I've read some great books. One that I just recently finished was my absolute favorite so far, and I plan to read it again. I will probably keep track of my reactions to the author's statements here, section by section.

What the author said made more sense than anything that I've read so far. I found myself nodding and hmmming with every paragraph, every page. The material was practical and did what I learn best with- don't just explain to me how something is done, tell me why it's done that way, teach me the history and the reasoning behind it.

Anyhow, enough rambling. Again. Guess I still have a lot of catching up to do!

So it's been a long few months, and I seem to have disappeared for awhile. Life intruded. I guess that's not a very good way to put it. I should say instead that life was blessedly busy! It's been a crazy path, but I haven't strayed- I just haven't made the time to post here.

I've been reading voraciously. I'm attending a pagan Meetup group this weekend (and I cannot WAIT), and I've been thinking, thinking, thinking....

I know it's probably pretty silly to be making such a fuss over this, but I can't seem to help it. It seems like it should be a simple decision, a simple twist of the path that I should be following with sheer confidence. But I haven't been.

The Craft feels right. I simply cannot explain it better. Nothing I have read or learned or studied gives me pause. It's my old prejudices and stereotypes that I have to deal with. That's a big thing for me. Which again, I know is silly, but I can't seem to work it all out.

My in-laws especially will not be okay with this. You might say, "well it's your life and your decision, so leave them out of it." But it's not really that simple. At least I haven't managed to squish it down into the little "don't worry about it" box. My husband is neutral. He believes in a higher power. That's about it. He's okay with whatever I do, whatever I decide.

I'm rambling. Just trying to get my ideas out of my head so I can make some sense of them. LOL!

My eldest daughter is thrilled. My ex's long-term girlfriend follows a Wiccan path, and from what I understand they celebrate together irregularly, and my eldest daughter has always had a fascination and a drawing to the craft. Maybe it's easier for her because I have worked very, very hard to raise her without the judgments I've had instilled. I don't know.

My family (mother, brother, sis-in-law) won't care one way or the other. They never were religious in any fashion. I only got involved in the Church through first our neighbor, then a close friend's family. Kinda funny, that.

So... back to my blogging. Back to figuring it all out. Why am I making this so damn complicated? It really isn't. It's a highly personal decision that shouldn't be anyone's business but my own. But I think working through my own fears about the family's opinion is part of my process.

Is it because I feel the same way, deep down? That doesn't feel right, considering the blessed CLEAN feeling I get when I am thinking about the Craft. I feel full of light, of goodness, and I have a spring in my step. Weariness is shed, sadness and anger slough away, and I'm just purely happy.

Then what's my problem? Sigh....