I sometimes get these strange overwhelming urges to try to look certain people up. It never goes anywhere, it seems like no matter how hard I am reaching out to these people they are never reaching back. But for some reason the urges stick.
One of those people is the person I look back now and consider a priestess of our little high school pagan group. I've tracked her down on Myspace, and added her as a friend, but that's all that's ever happened. I don't know why I am so drawn to contacting her, but I feel there is a reason. I guess the time just hasn't happened yet. I know for a fact that she harbors some mistaken ill-will towards me (based on an apparent misunderstanding), but still the feelings persist.
Another friend is actually one half of a couple in my mind (not sure if that's still how it is, but well that's how my memory perceives him), and he was my first real goth friend. I can't even remember his last name now all these years later (another high school friend, although we didn't go to school together). His face rises to my inner eye more times than I can count. I worry about him at random moments, and I can't even imagine how I could make any concerted effort to look him up without even a last name, and nothing more than a first name (Jonathon) to go off of. I know where he grew up (strangely enough only a few miles from the place I grew up, although by the time we met I had long ago moved away).
The third person, strangely enough, is a friend who was very important to me during the whole chaos that ensued around me kicking my cheating husband out in 2003. We stayed in touch for awhile, but then things got sour (yet another misunderstanding). He comes to mind on occasion, but lately it's been constant. I recently was going through some things and came across a stuffed teddy bear dressed as a fairy which he had given me. I kicked my husband out on February 3, 2003, and that valentines day my wonderful friends all pitched in to make the day special. Until very recently this stuffed bear sat on a shelf with some other sad and lonely stuffed animals. The wings on the little fairy outfit were tattered and beat up. I cleaned up the bear and passed her on to another needy person. It's just strange that this was literally just the other day, because I met his wife on Saturday. At the full moon ritual. She knows many of the wonderful people I have been practicing with. How strange is that!!!
Anyhow, it's just tripping me out, three people I keep having the strongest urges to reach out to, and sometimes the Lord and Lady just drop them into your lap. I don't have any urge to talk to him or anything like that, and meeting his wife... it all suddenly made sense, and I think that meeting her was my answer. I just can't explain it any better than that.
So I know I've talked a little bit about coincidences before, but sometimes they just smack me upside of the head so hard I just have to stop and take notice.
Two of my friends recently have talked to me about having billy clubs for protection. Two people who have never met each other and probably have nothing in common. All within two days of each other.
Saturday some friends and I had a long discussion about Zombies. Today a separate unrelated friend posted a long post on Facebook about Zombies.
There've been other things too, just too many to count. It just cracks me up sometimes.
So now that class is over, it's time to do some in-depth work on my own again. I'll be delving deeper into my books and keeping track of the things I come across that really speak to me. This seems like as good a place as any to do that.
One thing we had to do was a project for the Full Moon ritual our group wrote for tomorrow night's (okay, okay, tonight's) ritual. We wrote blessings to pass out, and here were the ones that moved me. Please note I didn't write these, and I'm not certain who did.
Love is short, love is real,
Trust your heart, what you feel,
Live your life, sing your song,
Make it sweet and make it strong.
Even in the darkest night,
Believe in the wonder
Believe in the light
Believe in your soul
Believe your insight
Believe that, at last,
It will come out right.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it! - W.H. Murray
Last night was our dedication/naming ritual. Gypsy Crow, with her usual aplomb and sense of humor, was amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better ceremony- both solemn and fun. A friend mentioned it was like her wedding day, and I have to agree!! That overwhelming mix of exhilaration, pride, love, and companionship with my peers will stay with me the rest of my life.
My name? Gryphen StormSong.
It was a bittersweet event as well, though, since it brings to a close our 10-week set of classes. It's amazing how close you can grow to people in only 10 weeks, one day a week (with a few extra days thrown in). I've gotten to know some AMAZING people, and I hope to be able to stay in touch with ALL of them as time moves forward.
So I missed the public Beltane ritual put on by Gypsy Crow and Blue Willow. I knew I was going to, as I had a camping trip scheduled long before I even enrolled in class and got to know everyone. I'm sad that I missed it, but at the same time my camping trip was AMAZING!
At one point I walked away from the 40+ people who joined me on this camping trip in order to just spend a few moments breathing. The place we were camping was spectacular, nestled in a valley in the Gifford Pinchot National Forest with Tower Rock looming monolithic above us. There were several ponds scattered across the campground, and the sound of the frogs at night was serene.
I walked away, found a quiet spot, closed my eyes, held me arms out, and tipped my head back. It had been storming all day, and the name given to me during my God journey swelled into my heart: StormSong. The song of the storm filled me, overflowing from me, nearly bringing tears to my eyes. During this trip of companionship and comradeship, of spectacular flora, fauna and scenery, my spirit found peace among all the craziness of cooking and organizing for so many people.
As the peace flowed through me, I heard the sound of wings fluttering. I had been hearing the wings for a few weeks now, and I somehow sensed that the sound had something to do with the missing part of my name. I knew StormSong was right, but I knew deep down that there was something else. I just couldn't figure it out. Piecing together my clues, I thought maybe it was related to raptors- that was what my instinct was saying. But nothing seemed to fit with that. It was like it was right on the edge of my vision, but as soon as I turned my head it would flicker away.
I let it all go in that moment. I just felt, breathed, and just WAS. And it came to me clear as a bell- Gryphen. Why the strange spelling? I don't know, and I didn't for a moment question it. Everything snapped into place inside of me, and I knew for a fact that my name was Gryphen StormSong. I probably had the silliest grin on my face as I leaned into the wind, but it was simply a reflection of the sheer joy spinning through me.
So while I missed out on Beltane, I wouldn't have missed that moment for anything.
"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conductive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."
Buddha
Tomorrow for class we are to write God invocations and devocations. Here are mine:
God Invocation:
Hail to the God, our solar father, we ask that you bless our gathering with your solar power, and we ask that you grant us the gifts of strength, vitality and logic. Hail and welcome.
God Devocation:
Solar father, we thank you for your presence here tonight, and we thank you for your gifts of strength, vitality, and logic. Hail and farewell.
