So now that class is over, it's time to do some in-depth work on my own again. I'll be delving deeper into my books and keeping track of the things I come across that really speak to me. This seems like as good a place as any to do that.
One thing we had to do was a project for the Full Moon ritual our group wrote for tomorrow night's (okay, okay, tonight's) ritual. We wrote blessings to pass out, and here were the ones that moved me. Please note I didn't write these, and I'm not certain who did.
Love is short, love is real,
Trust your heart, what you feel,
Live your life, sing your song,
Make it sweet and make it strong.
Even in the darkest night,
Believe in the wonder
Believe in the light
Believe in your soul
Believe your insight
Believe that, at last,
It will come out right.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it! - W.H. Murray
Last night was our dedication/naming ritual. Gypsy Crow, with her usual aplomb and sense of humor, was amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better ceremony- both solemn and fun. A friend mentioned it was like her wedding day, and I have to agree!! That overwhelming mix of exhilaration, pride, love, and companionship with my peers will stay with me the rest of my life.
My name? Gryphen StormSong.
It was a bittersweet event as well, though, since it brings to a close our 10-week set of classes. It's amazing how close you can grow to people in only 10 weeks, one day a week (with a few extra days thrown in). I've gotten to know some AMAZING people, and I hope to be able to stay in touch with ALL of them as time moves forward.
So I missed the public Beltane ritual put on by Gypsy Crow and Blue Willow. I knew I was going to, as I had a camping trip scheduled long before I even enrolled in class and got to know everyone. I'm sad that I missed it, but at the same time my camping trip was AMAZING!
At one point I walked away from the 40+ people who joined me on this camping trip in order to just spend a few moments breathing. The place we were camping was spectacular, nestled in a valley in the Gifford Pinchot National Forest with Tower Rock looming monolithic above us. There were several ponds scattered across the campground, and the sound of the frogs at night was serene.
I walked away, found a quiet spot, closed my eyes, held me arms out, and tipped my head back. It had been storming all day, and the name given to me during my God journey swelled into my heart: StormSong. The song of the storm filled me, overflowing from me, nearly bringing tears to my eyes. During this trip of companionship and comradeship, of spectacular flora, fauna and scenery, my spirit found peace among all the craziness of cooking and organizing for so many people.
As the peace flowed through me, I heard the sound of wings fluttering. I had been hearing the wings for a few weeks now, and I somehow sensed that the sound had something to do with the missing part of my name. I knew StormSong was right, but I knew deep down that there was something else. I just couldn't figure it out. Piecing together my clues, I thought maybe it was related to raptors- that was what my instinct was saying. But nothing seemed to fit with that. It was like it was right on the edge of my vision, but as soon as I turned my head it would flicker away.
I let it all go in that moment. I just felt, breathed, and just WAS. And it came to me clear as a bell- Gryphen. Why the strange spelling? I don't know, and I didn't for a moment question it. Everything snapped into place inside of me, and I knew for a fact that my name was Gryphen StormSong. I probably had the silliest grin on my face as I leaned into the wind, but it was simply a reflection of the sheer joy spinning through me.
So while I missed out on Beltane, I wouldn't have missed that moment for anything.
"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conductive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."
Buddha
Tomorrow for class we are to write God invocations and devocations. Here are mine:
God Invocation:
Hail to the God, our solar father, we ask that you bless our gathering with your solar power, and we ask that you grant us the gifts of strength, vitality and logic. Hail and welcome.
God Devocation:
Solar father, we thank you for your presence here tonight, and we thank you for your gifts of strength, vitality, and logic. Hail and farewell.
Last night was my first full moon ritual. Blue Willow was our priestess. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I did remember to take my "athame," which is actually a long dagger that I bought originally for my wedding.
It was a wonderful experience; not that I was expecting any different! I completely felt the energy flowing through me. I am sure that as I practice, it will be an even more powerful experience, but it certainly was NOT a disappointment!
Of course we had TWO amazing veggie-full soups to chow down on afterward and that certainly helped! Nummers......
Tonight's class was centered around learning about the Sabbats and doing a God journey. The journey was interesting, and I still am not sure I understand the messages completely, but I've taken note of them and if I am meant to understand them, I will.
As we were led down a path, suddenly at my side looked a huge pure-white Gypsy Vanner. Strange that it was pure white, since they are usually paints (which is one of the attractions for me). I've been in passionate love with Gypsy Vanners (some people call them Gypsy Cobs, Irish Cobs, etc. There's some debate about the "correct" name, but since I first learned about them as Gypsy Vanners, that's the name I use) when I started my Draft Dreams website more than 12 years ago. The OLDEST version of the site is still online here. Be warned, it's FULL of dead links. Draftdreams.com isn't up anymore, although maybe one day it will be. During it's time, Draft Dreams was the second largest draft-horse website on the 'net. To see what a Gypsy Vanner looks like, here is a website from a Redmond, WA based breeder.
Anyhow, back to the subject at hand- Gypsy Vanners. One day I will have one. At least one. I know now's not the right time for me, and it kills me not to be around horses. The smell literally kills a little piece of me, I miss horses so bad. I got my first horse when I was 10, and when I was 18 I sold her because I didn't have time for her. In the meantime, we had four other horses that came and went. Judy was my heart-song, though. She wasn't a Vanner, but she was literally my best friend.
I think I've been in denial of my horse-passion for many years. I can't afford horses right now, and quite frankly even if I could I simply do not have the time to commit, which is the most important thing. Maybe it won't be until I retire that I will be able to have horses again, but one day I will. I'm certain of it.
This white Vanner, who I know (somehow) was a stallion, turned to look me in the eye, and said straight into my thoughts, "Do not deny me." All the while I was preening about my wolf spirit guide, I think I was denying my horse spirit guide. I had always assumed that once I became a parent, the horse spirit guide left me, but I think the honest truth is, I left him.
The experience brought tears to my eyes. The rest of the journey was almost anticlimactic. I leaped onto his back (yeah as if THAT could happen in real life- he was HUGE), and we continued on down the path, together. I could feel his comforting warmth through my jeans, and his muscles bunching beneath my thighs. I wrapped my hands into his incredibly thick mane, and then just closed my eyes to enjoy the experience. If you've never ridden a horse, it's hard to explain the swaying, the sound of his hooves, the smell of horse-sweat, leather, and sweet hay.
We reached the described creek, and rather than me drinking from it, he did. But I could taste the crisp clean water anyhow. We continued on to the described giant oak, and once we reached the tree I slid from his back, pressing into him for a long moment, just breathing while he reached around his massive head and blew his sweet hay breath over me.
Finally I turned to the tree and wrapped my arms around it, eventually melding into the tree and heading for the breeze-tossed branches at the top. God came to me as a Centaur, eerily enough, but darker and swarthier than my white Vanner below. Dark charcoal dapples covered his horse-half, with heavy feathers like a Shire. His human half was sleek and heavily muscled, as I would imagine a draft stallion would look if he turned human. He sported long, thick, tangled dark hair and a flowing tangled beard. His eyes were pools so dark they looked black. He leaned towards me, and stated clearly. "Be strong." Then he handed me a scroll, and I unrolled it to read "Share your core of strength." I looked up and met his eyes, confused, but the look he gave me was knowing. A name floated into my head.... and I knew it was my Craft name. StormSong.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out an arrow. I remember thinking, "what, do I have Mary Poppins pockets, to pull this thing out of there?" The arrow was sleek and black, with some sort of ebony, heavily grained wood, a chipped obsidian head, and sleek iridescent black feathers as the fletching.
I retraced my steps back to the bottom of the tree and was once again with my White Stallion, where I leaped onto his back again and we made our way back down the path before my journey ended.
I literally had tears in my eyes. While my wolf spirit guide brought a fierce sense to me, my horse guide brought me passion.
