Gryph's Lair

Last weekend I went on a photowalk (where my little group of photographers roams around looking for interesting things to take photos of) at the Tahoma National Cemetery, and while we were there we saw a Pileated Woodpecker. My heart fluttered, and deep down I knew it was a message.

Looking up woodpecker as a spirit totem, I find that woodpecker is about devotion, sensitivity, protection, and earth connection. I think that woodpecker was a sign from the God(dess) that I am being watched over, and that I am on the right path to my own devotion and that it's all right to trust my sensitivity.

It sure does seem like there isn't enough time for all the things I want to accomplish, much less the things that simply need to get done (ie feeding the kids, making sure their homework is done, cleaning the house...). So I've decided to begin a serious cleansing project. I'm working to make it fun and rewarding, but I really think it needs to happen.

I have too many hobbies, for one. Beading, knitting, crocheting, sewing, writing, photography, scrap booking, hiking... I think I need to purge out the ones that I don't use much anymore. Knitting and crocheting shouldn't be too hard- I only dabble in those. I have family and friends I can pass on my supplies to (minus my grandmother's crochet needle set- those I will always keep). Photography just won't happen- it's too much a part of my everyday world. Scrap booking won’t stop, because that’s a legacy for my children. Hiking will continue, it's a balm for spirit and body. Writing I am fitting in where I can.

Beading is hard to give up, though. I have so many wonderful ideas and projects in some sort of state of completeness. But I haven’t made the time lately, and I wonder if I should just pass the tools on to a family member who I know will make good use of them. I had aspirations of setting up an etsy shop one day, but… where are my priorities? I can keep my favorite tools and a handful of treasured finds that I can maybe one day have something done with (like a gorgeous quartz point I had drilled). I can try to carve out some time to finish up those unfinished projects first, I suppose. Except that I kind of think that if I had a passion for finishing them, I would have done it already. I have a bunch of finished work, mostly bracelets and pendulums, and now I have to decide what to do with them… So for now the beading sits in my cupboard waiting for me to make up my mind.

It’s not the money I spent on all of it, although that gives me a little pause to be honest. It’s the potential and possibility of all the beautiful things I bought to make something specific…

Grrr…. I’ve gotten rid of a majority of it already, so I may stick this little box back in the cupboard for now, and if I haven’t done anything with it in a few months, then let it go…

Stuff. I have so much of it! Not just physical stuff, but even all the way to random stuff on my computer. I just ordered a new puter, so it’s time to sort through all the CDs and flash drives and even my three old hard drives… it’ll be time consuming, but it’ll be beautiful when we are done.

So I decided to go ahead and sign up for the Wicca 101 classes being offered at a local metaphysical shop. The instructor is a member of the Meetup group I attended the other day, and while I'm a little nervous, for some strange reason, I'm also looking forward to attending. It's a 10-class set.

I'm looking forward to the Meetup this weekend!! It's a pagan discussion group, meeting at a local metaphysical shop. This is the first meeting, and I'm thankful to be coming in on the "ground floor" because I'm not sure I'd have the guts at this point to jump feet first into an already established group. But at the same time, I've found no one, and I mean no one, to talk to about about any of this. My husband will listen, he's actually a very good listener, but I can't really bounce ideas off him because he doesn't have any interest.

I've even considered asking my ex's long-term girlfriend, but for some reason something keeps stopping me.

So it's off to the Meetup I go! I'm as usual battling my natural tendencies to be shy, and I've halfway considered canceling several times, but I'm not going to, dang it. I need to go, if nothing else than to lay some answers down at my feet.

I only have two more days to wait....

I think part of my frustration is not having anyone to answer my questions. Books and websites are all well and good, but I can't really ask a question. I suppose there are forums out there where I can find answers, but really where would I even start? I know there are a hundred different variations of Wicca (okay I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea), and so how do I find out which one is right for me? Do I just start with what I already feel is right, and keep track of it from there?

Do I seek to join a coven, or practice on my own? I don't really know yet.

I've read some great books. One that I just recently finished was my absolute favorite so far, and I plan to read it again. I will probably keep track of my reactions to the author's statements here, section by section.

What the author said made more sense than anything that I've read so far. I found myself nodding and hmmming with every paragraph, every page. The material was practical and did what I learn best with- don't just explain to me how something is done, tell me why it's done that way, teach me the history and the reasoning behind it.

Anyhow, enough rambling. Again. Guess I still have a lot of catching up to do!

So it's been a long few months, and I seem to have disappeared for awhile. Life intruded. I guess that's not a very good way to put it. I should say instead that life was blessedly busy! It's been a crazy path, but I haven't strayed- I just haven't made the time to post here.

I've been reading voraciously. I'm attending a pagan Meetup group this weekend (and I cannot WAIT), and I've been thinking, thinking, thinking....

I know it's probably pretty silly to be making such a fuss over this, but I can't seem to help it. It seems like it should be a simple decision, a simple twist of the path that I should be following with sheer confidence. But I haven't been.

The Craft feels right. I simply cannot explain it better. Nothing I have read or learned or studied gives me pause. It's my old prejudices and stereotypes that I have to deal with. That's a big thing for me. Which again, I know is silly, but I can't seem to work it all out.

My in-laws especially will not be okay with this. You might say, "well it's your life and your decision, so leave them out of it." But it's not really that simple. At least I haven't managed to squish it down into the little "don't worry about it" box. My husband is neutral. He believes in a higher power. That's about it. He's okay with whatever I do, whatever I decide.

I'm rambling. Just trying to get my ideas out of my head so I can make some sense of them. LOL!

My eldest daughter is thrilled. My ex's long-term girlfriend follows a Wiccan path, and from what I understand they celebrate together irregularly, and my eldest daughter has always had a fascination and a drawing to the craft. Maybe it's easier for her because I have worked very, very hard to raise her without the judgments I've had instilled. I don't know.

My family (mother, brother, sis-in-law) won't care one way or the other. They never were religious in any fashion. I only got involved in the Church through first our neighbor, then a close friend's family. Kinda funny, that.

So... back to my blogging. Back to figuring it all out. Why am I making this so damn complicated? It really isn't. It's a highly personal decision that shouldn't be anyone's business but my own. But I think working through my own fears about the family's opinion is part of my process.

Is it because I feel the same way, deep down? That doesn't feel right, considering the blessed CLEAN feeling I get when I am thinking about the Craft. I feel full of light, of goodness, and I have a spring in my step. Weariness is shed, sadness and anger slough away, and I'm just purely happy.

Then what's my problem? Sigh....

I believe in energies. Of people, places, things. Stones and gems, especially. I think they vibrate to specific energies, and I think it’s not necessarily all “magick,” either. Watches are run on quartz crystals, right? Ok, so let’s take that a step further and have a quick science lesson.
Quartz is a silicon dioxide in a crystal form. One of the properties of quartz that make it a unique and valuable material is that the crystalline structure is not altered by extremes of temperature or environment. Quartz crystals have been used for many years in radios, computers, and other devices as an oscillator. An oscillator vibrates or moves back and forth and can create energy. The frequency of the oscillation denotes it use. Shaping a quartz crystal in a certain way can generate power differently due to the changes in oscillation frequency. The quartz crystal can oscillate at a very low frequency (for a watch) or high frequency for a powerful radio receiver. The best thing about the quartz crystal is that is oscillates at a constant speed making it a perfect device for keeping time. The quartz crystal used in most watches is a straight bar and oscillates at 32 kilohertz, which is very low. A battery keeps the crystal oscillating and the oscillation keeps the time precise.
/science lesson
So, now tell me that there are no such things are energies! ;) But you better back it up with proof!
I’ve always felt energies, every since I was a little girl. To me, it was just part of what the world was, and it was to be accepted, just like my sense of smell. I never wondered what I was sensing; I just sensed it. Certain stones gave off special energies, and I was always attracted to them. I’ve always had a “rock collection” of some sort. When I was a child, it was just a collection of stones that called to me. Nowadays it’s much more specific collection, although it’s still a variety of stones that have called to me for one reason or another (trust me, it’s an extensive collection- spread throughout my house and garden).
Today I’m wearing freshwater pearls. According to Shimmerlings (http://www.shimmerlings.com), “Pearls help one connect with the Goddess, the ultimate feminine energy.” Also, “Chronic headaches and migraines may be alleviated or completely cured by wearing a pearl necklace directly on the skin.” I find this highly amusing, and it really made me happy to read that I chose just the right stone to wear today. Not only am I trying to attain connection with the Goddess, I have been dealing with migraine headaches since Friday. I didn’t choose my pearls because of those associations (which I looked up after I got to work, already pearl-clad). I chose them because today, for whatever reason, the pearls decided to get worn. ;)
I swear I can feel my pearls tingle, just as I can feel every other stone tingle as well. Nature is amazing. Simply, absolutely amazing.

I’m a firm believer in coincidence and déjà vu. I’ve long believed that when I see such signs, it’s time to stop and take a look around and take notice. What is going on in my life that I’m getting this type of affirmation?

My personal belief has always been that when one experiences déjà vu and coincidence that one is following the “right path.” Not that I necessarily belief that Fate has stepped in and shown her hand. More, I believe that it’s the Universe’s way (God/dess’ way?) of assuring you that you’re doing the right thing.

That’s been happening a lot lately. As in, every day, and almost every hour. It’s pretty funny, but in a light-hearted, laugh-out-loud sort of way. A happy way.

When I started to research the Wiccan path (ironically, on August 2), the signs began to flood over me! I can’t even tell you how many times things have flashed my way.

The books I was reading, from a mystery to a lurid romance, to fantasy and even sci-fi, all began to have references to Wiccan theories and beliefs. And it’s not just the bought-a-car-theory. You know the one I mean, that you buy a particular make and model of a car, in a specific shade of blue, for example. Suddenly, EVERYwhere you look you see the EXACT same car. Where did they all come from? Well, of course, it’s just that now you are paying more attention and know what to look for, which is why you can pick those cars out of the seething masses traveling our highways and byways.

This was different. I’m an avid reader, I always have been. And I’ve noticed when there have been Wiccan references in the past, because this has been something prickling at the back of my consciousness for years now. But suddenly, and I mean literally ON August 2, once I ordered my Wicca books from Amazon, every single blasted book I’ve read has had some sort of reference. Books I’ve borrowed, books I bought years ago, you name it.I'm talking at least 20 books here.

So of course I just laugh and take that as yet another assertion that I’m on the right path. And then there are the coincidences, which just keep coming.

Yesterday, I was watching one of my favorite TV shows. The lawyer-lady, Jane, is spieling off to the Jury in Court about the book, Are You My Mother? She’s explaining to the Jury why we all have an innate need to know our mothers, and that’s why the little birdie went looking for it’s mama.

That afternoon, my seven-year-old daughter was doing her reading homework, and brought her book up to me to ask a question about it. Guess what she was reading? Yup- Are You My Mother. She was at school still while I was watching my show, so how exactly did that happen?

Today, I decided to poke around the drawer of my desk. I've only been at my new job for a few weeks, and I haven't QUITE gotten all of the mess organized. I came across some printable business cards, which I remember my boss mentioning. So I went ahead and designed and printed a set of cards for both him and me today. Out of the blue, this afternoon some new clients stopped in, and asked for our cards. If I hadn't printed them this morning, I wouldn't have had any to give them. Mere coincidence? I think not.

So I take the signs of the universe and I file them quietly away in the back of my heart, and I smile and continue on my path.